


and everyone is singing

by mazily



Category: Holby City
Genre: Christmas, Drabbles, F/F, Found Family, Grief, Rope Bondage, Veterinarian Bernie AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-05 10:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16808878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazily/pseuds/mazily
Summary: Drabbles for Berena Advent 2018.





	1. I don't want a lot for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1: Gift Wrapping

Bernie's home early.

Serena checks the bedroom door's closed, calls down for Bernie to open the bottle on the counter. "I forgot," she says, and, "It needs to breathe." She can picture the confusion on Bernie's face, the exact twitch of her nose (through walls and doors and on opposite ends of the house, every expression so familiar and beloved).

She finishes pulling the stocking up her leg--careful, so careful, listening for Bernie's footsteps--and attaches the suspender clasps. Reaches behind her for her robe. Ties it closed--a bow, a gift to unwrap--as Bernie opens the door.


	2. there is just one thing I need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day two: family.

The timer goes off. Serena pointedly ignores Dom and Donna betting--will this batch be raw or "salt instead of sugar, saw that on _Bake Off_ "?

The house smells of burning chocolate--windows are open, everyone bundled in coats and scarves--smoke tickling Serena's throat even as she necks some more Shiraz.

("Why even--"

"--Werewolf's favorites.")

Serena's phone buzzes: Bernie and the rest of the fledgling Holby City LGBTQIA+ Society--"ten pounds they get here before--"; "oh my god, how many biscuits do we need, I'll just order some"--are en route.

She dumps the baking sheet into the bin.


	3. make my wish come true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: Carol Singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for grief on this one.

The bench is wet. She isn't sure how long she's been sitting here. Just that the backs of her thighs are cold, damp; her joints starting to stiffen--she came outside with only a hoodie for warmth, left her coat in her office, will have to change into scrubs for the rest of her shift. Her eyes ache (she doesn't remember starting to cry, or crying at all, but she remembers Ric looking at her from across the ward). Her ears buzz-- _all is calm, all is bright_ , echoing in Elinor's eleven year old voice--as an ambulance speeds past.


	4. holding on to me so tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4: Mrs. Claus.

Bernie kisses Serena's thigh, damp and twitching and mottled red, presses tongue and lips and teeth to all her favorite places. Serena hums and hisses, squirms when Bernie bites; lazily pats at Bernie's head, her hair.

The Santa hat that started the evening on Serena's head--to go with her red dress, sinful black boots--tickles her foot, and she kicks at it. Serena snorts, giggles, and Bernie lifts her head to glare. Stops, neck burning and stiff, unable to swallow a grunt of pain.

"Sounds ominous."

Bernie resists the urge to deny. "Worth it," she adds, and "Happy Christmas."


	5. hear those magic reindeer click

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5: Puppy.

It's a terrible idea: she has to arrange for training, a dog-walker, cover when she's stuck at work, a whole system of redundancy, backups to backups to backups. Serena's life is in no way set up to adopt this ridiculous floppy-eared beast. And yet here she finds herself on her rare day off, standing in Wolfe Veterinary Clinic while the veterinarian plays receptionist, paying for spaying and shots and trying not to short circuit at the way Dr. Wolfe looks up at her, intense dark eyes under her too long fringe, "one minute while I figure out the scheduling program."


	6. underneath the mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 6: Mistletoe.

She melts into the kiss, Serena and red wine and whiskey and Serena, the wall a shock against her back (when did they move, when did Serena shift her hands to Bernie's hair, "fuck, like that," in the breaths between one kiss in the next?). Moët, Serena's puppy (Bernie'd been subjected to Serena's earnest speech about champagne and bubbles and she'd tuned out the words, letting Serena's voice wash meaninglessly over her), yipping and jumping at their feet. Serena pulls her head back by the hair, kisses down her neck, says "there's more mistletoe in my bedroom if you want--"


	7. more than you could ever know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7: Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 1 of 2 fills for this prompt. This one is AU! And features rope!

"Wait here," Serena says. She's careful with her knots, gentle and admiring in turn, shifting Bernie into just the right position (for Bernie's back, but also for Serena's obvious enjoyment, her eyes black and glittering as she studies Bernie, watches the pink tint her skin and the lines of the rope). Moët scratches at the bedroom door again, and Serena rolls her eyes. "I just need to," she says, and, "If you don't want to stay here while I take her out, say so now."

Bernie shakes her head, no, and doesn't safeword. She settles into her skin to wait.


	8. I'm just going to keep on waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7: Waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is fill 2 of 2 for this prompt. 
> 
> It is canon-compliant through Love Is (set post- some sort of confession), so. You know.

"Wait here," Bernie says. Voice sharp enough Serena can feel it slicing through her skin, hard enough to bruise her from the inside out. Serena stills. Arms and legs untied, Bernie refusing her offer--and that, more than any rope cutting into her skin, is designed to leave marks (she deserves so much worse: deserves Bernie leaving her in bed, hands clasping the headboard, deserves Bernie walking out the front door).

"I'll," Bernie says, "I'm just getting water," and Serena holds herself still. Listens to Bernie moving: corridor to kitchen, the clank of a glass, her footstep on the stairs.


	9. I won't even wish for snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 8: Snowball Fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one featuring grief.

Serena cradles her mug between her hands, tea already lukewarm this close to the window (cracked open by Bernie, yelling out to her children in the back garden, _probably too old Mum--_ a rallying cry Bernie couldn't resist). She watches as they dash around, as Bernie builds up her arsenal, as Cam laughs at something Charlie said; all of them red-cheeked and competitive and alive. ("Join my team," Bernie calls, and Serena freezes. Lies, _never been one for snowball fights, prefer my fingers warm and dry,_ and doesn't think about pushing snow down the back of Elinor's coat at all.)


	10. there upon the fireplace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 9: Christmas with Adrienne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More grief.

It's--god, it's pathetic, Serena thinks, as she carefully puts down her glass to avoid snapping the stem: a bloody carol comes on and suddenly she wants her mother; yearns for someone long dead, already grieved, a woman she used to take overnights to avoid (not often, but certainly more than once, and doesn't that prove how undeserved her reaction is?). She skips to the next carol on the playlist. Wipes her eyes, angry and frustrated with herself (it's been years, and Elinor, and it's a terrible song), and clenches her fists. Stares at her wine until the feeling passes. 


	11. I don't care about the presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 10: Hospital Kisses.

Bernie's kissed Serena in their own hospital plenty--in the car park, Pulses, even in the CEO's office (initiated by Serena, buzzing on some win over the board or another, not that Serena will ever admit as much)--but this is different. This is a late night phone call, the unfamiliar route to St. James, bile in her throat and her heartbeat out of rhythm. This is fear and miscommunication and  _ I thought you were dead, I thought-- _ in lips and tongues and teeth, in Serena's hands in Bernie's hair, in Bernie's inability to stop touching Serena everywhere she can. 


	12. Santa Claus won't make me happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 11: Tradition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More holiday grief.

It's at the bottom of the Christmas box she's going through (binning broken ornaments and decorations, moving the things she'll keep into waterproof containers), and she scribbles on her notepad:

  * nutcracker 
    * Elinor--from mum the year they went to London ballet (Ellie 10?)
    * I missed trip (couldn’t switch shift, surgery?, ?? why)
    * snuck into bed with her every Christmas for years, thought I didn't know
    * broken hinge



She wraps it in a stocking (Elinor's, aged thirteen, from her father and covered in glitter glue) and tucks the note in with it. Places it carefully at the top of the open container.


End file.
